change me by your beauty, God.

“Peter, do you love me?" 

"Yes, Lord, you know that I love you." 

"Feed my sheep…Peter, do you love me?”

-john 21

“And Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages…on the way he asked his disciples,

‘Who do people think that I am?’

…they told him, 'John the baptist; and others say Elijah; and others, one of the prophets.' 

And he asked them 'But who do you say that I am?’

Peter answered him, 'You are the Christ.’

The worries of this life, the heartache we face, the pains of ones we love we long to fix, the people lost, the laundry to do, the dishes to wash, the Shakespeare to read, the bills to pay, the nations to feed…the list goes on and on and on and on. Yesterday, as I stand worrying about unchangeable things, I heard Father ask me, 

"Sally, do you love me?”

yes, Lord, you know that i love you….

God didn’t answer with another question. He didn’t answer with a command. But he left me there, meditating on that question: do you love me? 

And then, the epiphany came. 

Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

“Do you?”

And my fears are released in this knowledge: I love My Jesus. I love him. I love him. And he reminded me of that yesterday.

My Daughter, you love me. Cast your fears aside.

In that truth lies all the answers to my floundering for his plan. In that truth I am set free to enjoy his blessings. I am reminded by My Jesus that I love him. And I blush at the fact that I forgot. When I am Martha, trying to prove my love for him, trying to restore the broken vases that surround me; cleaning the garbage left by others, I forget that I love My Jesus-I know that I want to please him, to experience his smile upon me, to show him I long to obey and follow him, to honor him, to submit and surrender. 

But then, the Lord gives me glimpses of myself sitting at his feet, eyes ablaze in childlike wonder, listening to his teachings and stories, and hearing the pure enjoyment in his tone. And it is there that i am finally free to see his smile.

And, from the other side of the room, as Martha, I can’t help but notice the wide grin on my own face. and i am reminded of this: i love him. i love him. i love him.