i sit here with a heavy heart.

i want to be ruined for anything but Jesus.

utterly ruined.


ruined for:

my dreams

my desires

my family

my friends

my wants

my hopes

longings

money

education

church

ministry

even missions

ALL THAT MATTERS IS JESUS.

i am filled with such conflicting feelings-

joy. peace. relief. pity. fear. and….

i cannot even fully comprehend all that i am feeling.

all i know is that i am going to india. 

to work for the Lord.

and i have such a feeling of certainty that is where i am supposed to be.

but i am absolutely terrified.

but not even for the trip itself.

i am terrified of the journey i am about to embark on getting there.

opposition. stretching. molding. refining. stress….and shots.

i am legitimately terrified-yet so full of hope and excitement…

and even the fact that i am feeling so much
this is breaching new grounds of healing for me in itself. 

prayers are so needed and appreciated.