it seems that the more i shake in my faith, the more trustworthy and real God gets. there have been days that i don’t know if God really will show up-i don’t know if he truly has my best interest in mind, if he has a plan, if he is good, if he’s present. 

and so i pray “Lord, i believe, 

but help me in my unbelief." 

and he does. 

He appears in ways that are so tangible and glorious, they capture the very breath from my lungs..which He created. 

My God is speaking to me through dichotomy. 

as i am faithless…he is faithful. 

as my sin hones in on me, coming at me like a 3-D picture-

his grace grows bigger. 

as my weakness cripples, so his love strengthens. 

oh Faithful God, i am a weary servant. i am weary of my pride, of my selfishness, of my lacking. without you i am nothing. 

oh i am like the grass in the fields. 

and yet, 

You appear.