processing.

I wasn’t prepared for the difficulty of translating my experience in India to my community back home. I thought I would be fine and able to give Christians and non-Christians alike a five minute lo'down on what happened there; my opening line all planned out: “it was great, really difficult, but amazing.” I’m struck with a grief over the lack of justice I have given to Tenali, the experience of serving, the amount of work we did, the orphans, the picture in my head, the living conditions, the needs we saw, the needs we attempted to meet. It’s all a blur. Not a blur in the sense that I don’t remember it all vividly, but a blur in that there are no words with the right capacity to capture what we saw, did, and experienced. I wish I could take the people in my life here and put them in my mind for a tidbit so that they could catch a glimpse of what I am processing. I am still trying to discern what I learned, how I learned it, and why it will impact my life forever. 

I learned grace through sharing my story with the people of India. 

 and that shame has no stronghold in my life.

“that was a beautiful testimony…”-Christina Kumar

and fear of sharing that testimony is strictly prohibited in the Kingdom of God.

I learned that the Lord has been preparing me for India since the day I was born. Literally. Every moment I’ve lived has been in preparation for this trip. God used the stories from my first sixteen years of life to impact the people of India and my team. God used the past six years to prune and prepare me for the call to India.

“and who knows whether you have come into the kingdom for such a time as this?” Esther 4:14

God taught me in India that i have come

“just as the Son of Man, not to be served, but to serve…” Matthew 20:28.

and in this lesson, i was once again reminded of grace. i am in more need now of God’s grace and mercy than ever before. everyday was a failure in maintaining a servant’s heart. everyday was a surrender of my wants and comforts. everyday was a reminder of the call

“…to live is Christ, and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21

and then this wonderfully sufficient grace, all consuming like the ocean, reminds me again and again that it was never my glory to receive. It was never my pride to be inflated. His goodness deserves all praise. His work was done in India. His strength was made perfect…

and this was only shown tangibly in my weakness. and suddenly, in view of God’s mercy, and the light of His face,

i don’t have time to maintain these regrets when i think about the way…that He loves us.

Oh How He Loves Us.

Oh, How He Loves…