tangent.

The woman’s Bible study at my church is having a “book exchange” tomorrow. At the leader’s meeting, I said point blank I am not giving any books. My books are literally my babies. A week later, I was looking at my bookcase full of books. Full of hundreds of dollars of books. The sentiments and memories that so many of them have-the tears, the trials, the joys, the laughter, and the growth that has come out of so many of them. Then the Lord put on my heart to give many away. This is literally painful. I just went through all of my books, the and there are about ten of them I am giving away tomorrow. I shouldn’t say “giving;” the more appropriate expression would be that God is literally ripping them out of my hands. At the same time, it’s comforting to know that, although I am never done growing, God is reassuring me that from these specific books, I’ve understood the concepts.  In a sense I am being released from my insecurity of not being enough. I feel like, looking over these books, as much as I long to read and reread them again, God has shown me what He needed to show me, and I can move onto learning more beautiful things from our Great Counselor. I have to open the clenched fist, the comfort of these concepts, so that God can pour more knowledge into open hands. And maybe, just maybe, a woman tomorrow will get the same joy I have gotten from one of these books. but i still don’t want to do this. wa.