Why Me?

This has been the question ringing through my mind the past couple months:

“Why me, Lord?”

Since December of last year, my story has broken ground. My story is something that has been kept secret, hidden, protected, and locked away for many years. Now, God is bringing it all to the surface-none of it by my own choice. Recently I was faced with the trial of preparing my testimony for my India team. Old shame creeps up again… shame that I thought was dealt with so long ago…

many sleepless nights went into preparing, and the pen never reached the paper. My mind just wondered. what do i leave out? what will they think? am i being honest? how am i different? am i different? am i loved? will they love me still?

that same week, i had to share my life story-yes, beginning to end, the story of sally-with my lifegroup. God affirmed His love so deeply in the reactions I received…

“If I had any doubts of a God before…I know with certainty there is a God now.”

in the midst of pursuing honest, reckless, vulnerability, the question “why me, Lord?” was ringing through my head continuously. Not “why me?” in wallowing self-pity. the question came in the asking of God as to why am i called to be His daughter…Why me, Lord? It boggles my mind and breaks me down to think of God as choosing me…choosing me to call His Own…

Oh Lord…Why me?

Why am i so blessed as to be called into intimacy with Him? 

Tonight, I was reminded of this question. Tonight, I sat in front of a mirror, looking at an image of who I would be without Christ. This girl…she is someone’s daughter….but she’s lost her way, and she doesn’t even know it. I sat across from her, asking her where she’s been, asking her what she’s doing now…oh and the shame that crossed her face. The shame she thought was so well hidden by that mask of plastic perfection and purchased positivity.

and once again, that question appears…why me, Lord? why am i so blessed as to be called Your Own?

for You have delivered my soul from death.

my eyes from tears.

my feet from stumbling.

I will walk before the Lord in the Land of the Living

[psalm 116:8-9.]