hello, old friend.

I am very quick to neglect the thing that draws me closest to God. I think you all know what I am talking about. It’s a horrible yet beautiful thing in life that is faithful to bring us to our knees in desperation, and to bring praise on our lips louder than any other season because we can’t stand to utter anything else-those moments where we realize we have no where else to turn [John 6], and when we come to understand that there is just no hiding from the God Who Sees [El Roi]. Yes, we call those moments heartbreak. The good-ol’ cry in your bed until your eyes are too swollen to stay awake, death by chocolate, exhausting season of heartbreak. Where the Scriptures about being poor in spirit and weak in body come to life, and nothing can offer us revival except Scripture. Where we fall asleep with the same worship song playing over and over and over again, because it is the only thing that can bring rest to our souls. The words come alive like never before, and we find ourselves in the shadow of God’s wings unlike any other time. Heartbreak. I asked for this. I asked to be brought to my knees in new surrender, and to experience God in a real way. I just asked blindly forgetting that His Word, the Truth, promises that this is birthed through heartache. 

And I can remember moments where this thorn has pressed so hard into my heart, I can feel it penetrating my chest. Breakups, lost loves, oh Heartbreak, you Beautiful Fiend. 

And I remember the tears; I remember lying in bed, curled up, sobbing, most of all, I remember experiencing a beauty that I never had before. I felt wrapped up in the arms of God, and, although it hurt, I loved to experience new feelings within myself. A piece of me was being birthed with every tear that dropped. 

So why do I run from my Sweet Friend Heartache? Am I fearful of the pain? Am I afraid of how long she will be in town? Or am I afraid of the undeniable change that will take place?