is it normal to go through an identity crisis at twenty one? probably not…is it a desirable spot to be in-heck no…it’s downright uncomfortable…

but when it is brought on by the Lord and His relentless love, it is a beautiful thing. i’ve been stripped of everything i once held close. a year ago, if you would have asked me what i define myself by, i would have said, with great confidence, that i define myself by Jesus. fast forward to this month. the Lord has shaken and stirred my life dramatically in the past year, most notably the past month or so. the little confidences shaped like idols have been torn from my knuckles one by one. community. leadership. recognition. roles. ministry. talents. i am the guiltiest of women, letting myself be defined and built up time after time by the affirming names i’ve been given-sally the artist, sally the women’s leader, sally the singer, sally the wise, sally the confident, sally the…sally the…sally the…

i’m not writing to toot my horn-actually, to do the complete opposite. God has taken these false identities and, with gentle hands and a jealous heart, pushed them out of reach. i’ve come to the realization that i have literally nothing to define myself by except that i am a child of God. i am sally, daughter of the king, hear me roar. cheesy, but true. i can’t call myself anything else because, at this point in my life, there is nothing else to grab onto. God has completely shaken my identity and shown me that, although my words were saying one thing, i have not been allowing God to fully define me. well, God has taken my hand and led me to a place where i can’t see the end…honestly, i can’t see the beginning or middle that well, either. but i know i have His word sitting in front of me, telling me that the lots have fallen in beautiful places, that God sees and catches each falling tear, and that He knows me better than i can ever imagine knowing myself. on Christ the solid Rock i stand…i am a sinking sand…

what a beautiful mess i’ve become.