Satisfied.

I want candy corn. Oh Good Lord, do I want candy corn…and a quesadilla…with the cheesy goodness oozing out of my mouth. The boys came home with three bags full of sweet, saturated, goodness–and now they are in bed…and I can’t sneak into their bags of candy and have any?! bAGH!

This has been my complaint the past two days. My salivating mouth has been getting the best of me. I’ve been cranky, I have been hungry, and I have been dying for something with cheese, chocolate, salt, and sweet. Any combination of those would be just wonderful. 

And today is Halloween; where kids everywhere are bringing home obscene amounts of chocolaty goodness and candy corn is staring at me from the center of our dining table as I bite into my sweet potato. And cupcakes are in the back room at work, and…

I got a moment this afternoon of fresh illumination. A moment of epiphany. While everyone around me is indulging in the chocolatey goodness surrounding them (which, for the record…I do not have any problem with), I was left wallowing in my wants. And in that moment of self-pity, I was acutely aware of the sad truth of where our chocolate may come from. It was as if the abstinence I am experiencing has made room for realizations of deeper issues than my unsatisfied tastebuds…Yes, this is the day I realized this fast is doing exactly what it was intended to do. It has created space for God to move in me. 

When I can’t reach for the Reese’s in search of comfort, I am reminded at a deeper level than ever before that precious hands of precious children are responsible for the coco that those delectable bars are made of. 

I have known this sad side of chocolate (and coffee) for years, and have sought to buy fair-trade…when it is convenient; but now the closest I can get to a chocolate bar is to imagine it meeting my lips, the inconvenient truth of chocolate cannot escape my mind. 

Today, this fast has created room for me to pray for the children that Mars, Nestle, and Hershey’s has deprived the right to an education and childhood. I was reminded to pray for these companies to see that their walking in the paths of wickedness, for the sake of saving a few bucks. 

And I was able to lament and mourn the travesty of this inconvenient truth. I know there are many praying for slave labor to end, but today, I got to pray and lament at its  existence because my lips remained clean. 

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus…