i am learning to let myself fall into pieces; to be viewed as imperfect by others….which i’m sure already happens, but to be intentional about being real, taking a step forward in being vulnerable and broken, sad and happy, frustrated, concerned. most of all, i’m learning to be a mess at Jesus’ feet. more and more the past couple days, i am realizing how much i need the Lord, His grace, His wisdom, and, most of all, His patience. i see the walls i’ve built, but they are brick and, in my own strength, i am completely unable to make a dent in them. i am like a tentative child, always looking over my shoulder for whatever harm is coming my way. but i am seeking more and more to become a miserable, messy, wreck, to Jesus. this is where infinity speaks. the times when i’m in anguish because i can’t trust. the times with i am filled with so much joy, i long to run away hard and fast-but this time, i’m choosing to rest my feet here. no running. no hiding. i must trust and believe that the same God who gives me abundant joy and peace is able to rebuild and fill my cistern. in my fear, i am learning to trust the Lord, His promises of infinate goodness, and His clearly sacrificial love. in the midst of confusion, i am learning to rest on His wisdom, and reflect on the times i’ve heard Him speak. in the midst of the joy, i am learning how beautiful it truly is to lay at his feet, a vulnerable mess, dressed in dignity and strength.