Today, I found myself frustrated with the lack of words keeping my mind busy and full with company. I love feeling like God is teaching me a lesson, a lesson worth sharing, or the feeling of Him giving me words to offer hope and truth to those in my circle, through writing. But today, I looked in my kitchen and thought: Hm. I have nothing.
This is every Creative’s fear: that their gift leaves them for a time; because, when my creative gift is gone, it seems as if every part of me is off, and the most important part of me is gone. It is through the creative that I connect with God. It is through the Creative that I feel free to process, to mourn, to explode with joy, to let myself be fully me. No pretense. No approval. No fear. Just me. And my hands. And my heart. And my mind; all working in in their separate, necessary ways, as one body, to Create Something Beautiful. Even if it doesn’t turn out perfect, or beautiful before anyone else’s eyes, the Creative process for me is worth it, because it gives my soul the freedom to breathe, the freedom to learn, and the freedom to be.
So when I walk in the kitchen and feel this: hm…I have nothing… I am tempted to panic. If I have nothing in me to create, than who am I?
And then I look at my kitchen table, and look at my sunflowers, perched in the middle. And I am reminded that sunflowers always look to the sun. The Sun is their source of beauty, their source of light, their source of strength; really, the Sun is their source of life.
And this is where I am called to rest. I am called to sit, indian style, wide-eyed, and excited, listening to my Jesus’ lessons and stories. I am perched up to see him, and I want his light to be my light and his light to be my life.
And this is where I remember the Creator, and that, before being a creative, I am a Created.